Single or Married

Day 8 – Possible Hurdles

As you are learning about this new person in your life, there are many areas which could pose a problem even though you think you are equally yoked. Just because you are both saved does not mean that you are at the same spiritual level. You may have no problem with tithing while your friend may not be there yet. You may love working in Junior Church while your friend may dislike working with children. These are things which need to be discovered before a serious relationship is developed.

One may think that it is common sense, but not really. You would be amazed at how many people think that these things will all work themselves out. Don’t be so easily deceived. The problems before marriage become mountains after marriage. What are some areas you should be looking out for? Here are some that I believe are instrumental in developing a spiritual and healthy relationship. Rather than use he/she or him/her throughout, I will just use “he/him” to make it flow better.

Although this is being repeated, I believe it is vitally important to know whether he is a tither or not. There is nothing worse than a woman who tithes and she marries a man who does not or refuses to tithe and vice versa. It will be a bone of contention after marriage. Being obedient to the Scriptures is a vital part of the believer’s life. If you can’t agree on these, you are not equally yoked. The same goes for faithful church attendance. If you go to church every time the doors are opened (even during Revivals) and he doesn’t, you will have these same hurdles after marriage, only worse.

Is your friend selfish with his time or does he volunteer to help when help is needed – or even better, does he pitch in even when he’s not asked? Better to know now than to find out after marriage and struggle each time you want to help someone. Some people are just lazy and don’t want to give of themselves. Does he do things for others with the attitude of “what’s in it for me”? Or, maybe he sighs or rolls his eyes every time he’s asked to do something. Beware! If he is this “open” with these character flaws now, it will be much worse after marriage. Christ came to minister to those in need – so are we to follow His example.

Is your friend compassionate? It’s hard to be married to someone who doesn’t feel the way you do about meeting the needs of others. If a dear senior saint needs help with groceries one month, is he willing to help out or does he figure it’s the pastor’s job? Does he have a heart for homeless?

The Good Samaritan was a wonderful account of a compassionate person.

There are various ways you can find out these things about your friend without coming out and asking him directly. Watching him in action is defintely one way. Another way is to talk to mutual acquaintances about his past, his behaviors, his character, etc. Ask them what kind of person he is; how is he with his money; how is he with his time. Talk to your Pastor about him. There’s nothing wrong in finding out what kind of person he is.

Remember, you would do this much research if you were going on vacation to a place you’d never been. Don’t have any less zeal in your search for a spouse. A vacation is but for a moment, but marriage is for a lifetime. Take your time and ask the Lord for wisdom as you search for answers. Once you fall in love, your eyes will be blinded by that same love and you will not see his faults clearly. Now is the time to see clearly.

Dear God…
Let not my eyes be blinded
As I seek the one for me
To view him as You do
Help me to clearly see