Day 9 – The Engagement
You now believe you’ve found the “right one” – the one that God would have you spend the rest of your life with. That is a serious commitment and one which should not be taken lightly. Marriage is just not recorded here on earth but recorded in heaven.
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Mat 19:6) What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Mar 10:9)
This word “together” appears only twice in the Word with this particular meaning of “God joining and man not being able to take away.” All other times, the word “together” is used in a different Hebrew or Greek word is meaning “coming together” or “reasoning together” – a more casual term. Seems to me if God uses this term twice and both terms are used in conjunction with Him joining a couple together in marriage and no one can “un-join” them, that would mean that marriage is permanent and for life. God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Be very careful in making this decision to marry.
Lust of the flesh is not basis for a foundation in a marriage. Christ is our foundation.
For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ. (1Co 3:11)
And are built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ himself being the chief corner stone; (Eph 2:20)
Nevertheless the foundation of God standeth sure, having this seal, The Lord knoweth them that are his. And, Let every one that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity. (2Ti 2:19)
With Jesus Christ as the foundation and center of your marriage, you can be certain you will be happy.
Once you are engaged, it is time to seek answers to more serious questions. I can think of a few off the top of my head.
How many children do you want? You may want 3 and she may want to have as many as God lets her have!
Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. (Psa 127:3)
As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. (Psa 127:4)
Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate. (Psa 127:5)
Will the wife be required to work after having children? This can be a true bone of contention in a marriage. I have walked these shoes and it’s not easy. Of course, I was already married when I got saved but I would have loved to be able to be a stay-at-home wife and mother. Better to work these things out before marriage than suffer through after marriage.
To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. (Tit 2:5)
The Word of God is blasphemed when the woman does not strive to be what the Word says for her to be. This is serious. A woman’s natural desire is to be at home, taking care of her husband and raising their children. When she is deprived of this, she becomes resentful at the end of a long hard day when all her energy has been spent at work outside the home. Don’t be fooled. Be smart – be prepared – have wisdom and think ahead.
Just how much debt will you get into? Buying a house can put a terrible financial strain on a marriage when the woman stays home. This may cause the husband to feel as though he is not a good provider when the finances weigh heavy. It may force him to work two or more jobs just to make ends meet. Are you willing to sacrifice little time with your wife and children? Would you be willing to live within more meager means to be able to reap the benefit of your wife staying home and caring for you and the children?
If thou hast nothing to pay, why should he take away thy bed from under thee? (Pro 22:27)
It is better to live within your means in a doublewide manufactured home that is paid for than to live in a single-family home and owe half a million dollars. The latter only means that more time will be spent away from home in order to pay for it… who can enjoy it?
Will you educate your children using the public school system, Christian schools or homeschool them? This may seem a bit “out there” but I have personally seen much struggle in this area between couples. This can also boil down to finances. Private schools and homeschooling mean out-of-pocket expenses. Public schools are indirectly free, although your taxes pay for it. But the heartaches that come with your children being in public school are overwhelming. Please heed my counsel on this. I have two sons and both were raised in Christian schools all their lives, except for the youngest who spent the last one and half years of high school in a public school. That time in our home was tumultuous at best. He was exposed to drugs, gangs, alcohol, and education that is based on the world’s beliefs and not the Word of God. My son now says he wishes he would have been able to complete his education in a Christian school. Don’t make the same wrong decisions. Settle these matters beforehand, my friend.
And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. (Deu 6:7)
In-laws should be a wonderful addition to a marriage. They do not have to be “out-laws” but should be an additional set of parents to love and guide the new couple. No matter what anyone says, when you marry your spouse, you also marry his family. You must decide now that nothing and no one will come between you. And if they do, what actions are you willing to take?
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Gen 2:24)
If the two of you cannot talk about these things now, what makes you think you will be able to discuss these things after marriage? It will be too late by then should you disagree on even just one point! There is heartache that comes with each of these if you do not agree 100%. I ask that you seek wisdom from on high as you search out the answers to these questions in your relationship. God wants to give you wisdom, my friend!
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. (Jam 1:5)
Dear God…
Let our hearts pursue Your will
In each area of life
As we seek to humbly serve You
When we are man and wife
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