Day 6 – What Kind of Woman Should I Look For?
Woman was created for man, not vice versa. Man needed a helpmeet and God met that need by creating Eve. The most important thing in a man’s life, outside of his salvation, is finding the wife God has created for him if he is to be married. To marry anyone other than God’s choice is a recipe for hardship. Therefore, as you look for a woman to date, it is important to stay focused on how she will help you meet the goals God has laid upon your heart.
I can’t stress enough how important it is for you to “watch” the person you are interested in dating prior to dating. Is there a woman that has come to your attention? If she is not in your church, it will be difficult for you to see her “in action” when it comes to her spiritual walk, her ministries, etc. It will take more work on your part to watch her and find out these things about her.
Here are some things that you should be on the lookout for:
Is she saved? I know that we can’t judge someone’s salvation. But we can surely judge their fruit. That is why it is good to “watch” a woman for a while before dating. Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? (2 Cor 6:14)
How is her relationship with the Lord? Is it visible to you that she loves the Lord? A woman who has a face which appears as though she has sucked on a lemon does not portray a woman who has spent time with the Lord.Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. (Pro 31:30)
Is she burdened for the lost? Not every church has a planned day for going out soul winning. But it is every believer’s responsibility to speak with others about their need of salvation. Do you know if she has this burden? If she doesn’t, that’s a red flag. We’re told to “go ye therefore” in Matt. 28:19. It is all of our responsibilities. She may be on that hands out tracts, or goes door knocking with a friend, or talks to people at the mall. It doesn’t matter what form of witnessing she does, just be sure that she cares for the souls of the lost.
How does she treat her father? The way she treats him will be an indication of how she will treat you. Does she dote on him? Is she attentive to him? Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. (Exo 20:12)
How does she submit to authority? If she bucks authority, she will have a difficult time being the submissive wife that 1 Peter 3 speaks of. Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you. (Heb 13:17) How do you know if she submits to authority? Watch her. If she still lives at home, does she say “no” to her father or mother? Does she argue with them? Does she do the opposite of what they’ve asked her to do? How does she behave when they are not around? If you don’t have the opportunity to observe her with her parents, how does she respond to those in leadership over her? Don’t be fooled into thinking that you can overlook this point. If she lacks in this area, you will have great difficulty as a man trying to lead his household.
Does she appear to be studious in the Word? Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. (2 Tim 2:15) Jesus gave us the account of Mary and Martha in the Word. Martha was a busy person but Mary was studious. There’s nothing wrong with a woman doing things to further the Lord’s work. However, if it is done at the expense of reading, studying and growing in the Word, then her priorities are not in order.
Is she involved in various ministries in the church (like nursery, Junior Church, senior saints, etc.)? In my opinion, these three areas bring out the woman. A woman was made to nurture, teach and care for those placed in her care. These three ministries help her to grow in these areas.
Is she a servant at heart? Is she lazy? Does she jump right in when help is needed? I’ve seen women walk away from banquets at church without so much as lifting a finger to help clean up afterwards.
Is she modest in dress as well? Is she modest (chaste) in her conversation? A single woman who dresses modestly shows that she is not out to catch a man with her body. Modesty means that a woman dresses to cover herself in a way that doesn’t draw attention to herself. If her clothing attracts your eyes to her body, then it will attract the eyes of other men as well – needless to say, it is not modest attire. Modesty does not mean frumpy and unattractive. A woman can dress attractively and yet still be modest.
How does she treat those less fortunate? She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. (Pro 31:20) She is not only kind in word but kind in deed. Notice how this woman reached forth her hands to the needy. This is a woman of action.
Don’t settle for less in a woman, my friend. A woman who does not meet these criteria will not be able to be the helpmeet needed to complete you as a man. A man’s success is based on the helpmeet’s contribution toward that success. If her heart is not in your ministry, you will have nothing but struggles. Better to find out now than to be married and have to reap a whirlwind of problems because you allowed your flesh to rule your decisions rather than the Word of God.
Dear God…
If it is Your will for me
To be married in this life
Help me to rely on You
As I seek to find a wife
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