Day 25 – Married to an Unbeliever
1 Peter 3:6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
As I’m updating these devotionals since our site was hacked, I’ve been reminiscing on my life with my unsaved husband. There’s always something to learn from God’s word, amen?
Let’s take a look at verse 6 today. Do you look at submission to your husband as a curse instead of a blessing? It is only by being in submission that a woman is under her husband’s spiritual covering and protection, whether he is saved or not. Remember, these verses were written by Peter to women whose husbands were disobedient to the Word. When you submit to your husband, the burden of responsibility rests upon your husband, not you. He is the head of your household and he will be held accountable for the way he leads his household. A good analogy is to look at our military. Each leader is held accountable for his men. Whether it is the General, a Captain, a Major, Sergeant or Corporal. If his men fail, he is held accountable. Throughout history, leadership was held accountable for the well-being of the people serving under them. God designed leadership and it began with the home in the Garden of Eden. From the beginning, man was created to rule over his wife and his home.
God stated, and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. (Gen 3:16b)
Peter not only says to submit, but he also says to honor your husband just as Sara did. “Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.” Calling her husband “lord” was the custom of the day. But the Word of God is LIVING and I believe that it is meant for us women today. John 4:10 refers to Jesus as the Living Water. His Word lives and cleanses us. I don’t believe God means for us to call our husbands “lord,” but I do believe we should speak to and about our husbands with honor and with respect! She called him lord not out of fear, or requirement, but out of honor. Your husband may be a nasty man, but his office of husband deserves respect and honor. You may not agree with the President of the United States 100% of the time, but you respect the office, don’t you? You were never called to be a helpmeet to the President but you have been called to be a helpmeet to your husband. You were called to reverence your husband in Eph. 5:33.
What ways can you honor your husband? When you are with other women, are you quick to point out his deficiencies? Or do only good things come out of your mouth about your dear husband. Even if you can’t think of a thing good about your unsaved husband, surely there was a reason you fell in love with him in the first place. Think on these things. Encourage yourself. Follow the principles in Phil. 4:8. How do you greet your husband when he walks through the door at the end of the day? Are you pleasant toward him or are you busy complaining about how your day went?
Do you nag him about those little jobs that need to be done around the house? My husband and I came up with a “job jar” (many call it the “honey-do” list). Every time I had a chore that needed attention, I would write it on a slip of paper and put it in the job jar then I would forget about it. My husband would go into his job jar when he had some free time and pull out a task. Some times he would put it back because it would require more time than he had available just then. If he didn’t pick anything from the job jar, the pieces of paper were constantly a reminder to him that chores needed to be done. I never had to nag him or remind him. He had eyes and could see for himself. Those little pieces of paper were doing the job for me! 🙂
Dear lady, you can make or break your husband and your marriage. If you tear down your husband, you tear down your home.
Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established: (Pro 24:3)
A wise woman will learn what God’s Word says about being a helpmeet to the man God has given to her, whether saved or not – the Word has no stipulations. She will search the Scriptures to learn how she can be the kind of wife that Sarah was to Abraham. Peter said that we do well to be like Sarah because we are her daughters.
Learn from Sarah. She honored Abraham. She recognized that he was the head of her house and she submitted to her husband. How else could he have asked her to pack what she had and move to an undisclosed location for an undisclosed period of time? Would you be so willing? What a loving and submissive wife. She placed her future and care into the hands of her husband. She trusted God so much that she knew in her heart that she would be O.K. This means that she loved her God and walked with Him. We are to do the same just as we submit to the Lord, Jesus Christ. Just because your husband is not saved or is disobedient to the Word, does not mean that you are exempt from this verse. There are no “but’s or however’s or except’s” in this verse.
When a man receives honor from his chaste and submissive wife, it is a perfect testimony to him of Jesus Christ. The backslidden man won’t need a word said to him – he will see his wife’s “living testimony” and will be convicted by the Holy Spirit. These actions by you prepares your husband’s heart to accept the Holy Spirit’s work. If you go against the will of God, your husband’s heart will harden. However, if you obey God’s Word and learn to submit to your husband, his heart will become tender. The unsaved man will be drawn by his wife’s testimony. It will speak to his heart and challenge him toward seeking salvation. Remember, he is in a much better position to hear and see the Gospel of Jesus Christ at work than the unsaved man whose wife is not saved either.
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. (1Co 7:14)
What kind of testimony are you portraying?
I remember being worried about what I would do if my husband commanded me to sin. I did not want to sin against God but I also didn’t want to be placed in a situation where it was me against my husband. I prayed and prayed over this and the Lord never allowed me to go through this without giving me a godly way out – in fact, the Lord provided the perfect solution each time which did not offend my husband or throw “religion” in his face. I believe that God provides every wife of an unsaved man with extra grace so she can be a testimony to her God without dishonoring her husband. God never let me down in this area and I believe this is what Peter is speaking about. I did not need to be afraid of what my unsaved husband would ask me to do because my faith in my Heavenly Father was such that I could trust my husband in His care and He would guide and direct me.
Granted there may be some of you out there whose husbands are abusive. You cannot be a submissive wife if you are a dead wife. You must leave with full knowledge that the separation is temporary, until he has sought counselling and will no longer be abusive. Seek counselling from your Pastor and work toward reconciliation with your husband. Once your husband has done so and the doors are opened for you to reunite, go back and be the helpmeet God created you to be.
Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. (1Co 7:27)
This pertains to the wife as well. Always seek to reconcile. After all, Christ came to reconcile all of us to the Father. Will you remember those bad days? More than likely. Should you hold it against your husband? No. Forgive him and let it go. The devil will want to use that against you and will work hard at stirring your anger. A close walk with the Lord is crucial every time your thoughts go astray.
For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: (Mat 6:14) But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Mat 6:15)
Instead of asking all those “what if” questions, dear lady, pray and give those questions to the Lord. Rest in His care. I can remember reading Psalm 121 over and over when I had fears. My wonderful Shepherd gave me much comfort in those verses and I would walk away refreshed yet again. Won’t you let your fears rest at the Saviour’s feet and just love and submit to your unsaved husband as God would have you to do? There can be peace for the wife of an unbelieving or disobedient husband. Ours is an easy task – we’re called to be submissive whether or not they are saved. There are no qualifiers and no exceptions. All women are to be submissive to their own husband. The key is to be obedient to that calling and to learn all you can about it through the Word of God.
Even during my worst trial as the wife of an unbelieving husband, I had hope because my Heavenly Father gave me hugs through His Word. Yes, there was also a good friend and good preaching to glean from. But God’s Word is what heals and God’s Word is what refreshes, my friend. When you feel downhearted and need encouragement, get that help from the Lord. Read Psalm 121 today and you will see why I exhort you in this way.
Dear God…
Help me to be in the Word
Where all Your truth is revealed
Let my heart be close to You, Lord
I beg You my marriage to heal
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